21

it's 1.30 am, and that means I am 21.

Ppl always say 21 is a big day, must have party, mom told me that too

I am not the type that fancy having big celebration, I don't mind not having any party , cause we have birthday every year

But having pics like this?

Even my photo i take for my work looks better than this picture

Why? cause the camera wasn't around, and to those of you that added my working fb, it isn't because I left it at shop as i posted

Its just i left it at peace house. I saw the camera, but I assume one would get back to change , but guess I was wrong.

And I gotta get up to bath so that I can hide my tears.

Trust me when I say, it isn't easy to hide your tears from falling, am I asking too much? for a decent picture just on my birthday?

Maybe I am.

kthxbai

why must it

Was waken up by a vibration on my tab the other morning, and it was a continued msg cause someone fell asleep.

And trust me , the feeling sucks .

Cause I got questioned early in the morning . It was all about questioning.

Don't we have nothing else to talk? And why must it be that way , that the only time I would hear from you would be when you have something to COMPLAIN .

You kept on asking me the question that I think it's the only question I would not answer you , all these while, tell me a time when I did not play to your rhythm . All the while , you know, not only you , even She know that your words is the only words I've never once say no.

You kept saying how I know , if I didn't try , you went till the extent of saying as though I am putting it in a way that I am the only one that deserve a girl like you.

That word of yours, really made me lost my temper .


You know I've never complained nor say anything when you were with your ex crush , little did you know, I was wishing you too when you said , you had a crush on him . . .


And dare you say to me now, that if I were to join the game, would there be any difference? Ask yourself , don't answer just for the sake of answering.

You are right to say , and I admit that I knew if I were to be in this game of cards, I know that there is no chance for me winning.

But isn't it the same today? Did I made a wrong choice? By staying out of the game?

You said I wanted the best of both world, I would say , I never wanted the BEST of both world, cause I knew what I wanted , my actions might not prove my saying right, but honestly , I knew what I wanted at this moment, but it doesn't matter anymore . Cause judgement was made .

What's the use of arguing .

I've told you a thousand times, I've always believe, it if was meant to be, it will be .

Time would not be a factor , if in the period of time, one could fall for another , than it just prove that things are not meant to be..


你说时间不对 

this was what you said , it might be true, but think about it , did you took a time out of your busy schedule when you have that little spare time , just to make out for loss time?

Honestly, asked yourself . If you really think you did , I am really sorry for everything.

Call me stubborn ( I admit ) , call me realistic ( I admit ) , call me anything , but trust me when I say I live in a complicated world.

As busy as I am , or as pissed off as I am , if my priority is set, there would always be time for it.

I believe in wrong timing, but I also believe in time management..

You might be cursing now for me saying things like that , but you are not busy till the extent that you don't even contact any of your friends, not busy till the extent that you don't have talks on the phone . Isn't it?

Whether you admit it or not, it's just that one isn't in your priority list . nuff said.

Or maybe like you said, someone would get hurt if you took any moves

But why? Why is it that way?

All this while, ppl kept telling me this and that, and when I made things cleared. All i have is just an answer like that?

I am the type of person, that will never answer questions asked if I know that whatever answer I gave, would not make any diff , that is why I always say, let me know what would the difference be if i were to say Yes , or if I were to say No?

Perhaps you would feel better if I said yes?

Sometimes what we wish is just so contradicting isn't it?

Thank you , when you said the only thing stopping you now was me , Sorry too

But you know, it is impossible if you think that I can accept the fact not mentioning the fact that how much you've changed .

You even said that even your ex crush told you that these days , you would not find him, unless he took the step to msg you.

Why all of the sudden you felt there is no need to find him when you have no classes.

I can't brain it. Seriously

I wonder how would he think about it , especially knowing he did told you about one intention of going after you when one offered you a ride , but you told him in a convincing way, he is thinking too much..

If given a chance, I would really like to know what's running through his mind..

The fact that he was on the edge of getting something, but now ......................................

Second? * i'm Glad if it is*

why

Come , you tell me, what to do

Cause every thing I do seems wrong isn't it?

You tell me. What to do.

WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!

You ask me why I doubt , you ask me what's on my mind ?

Let me know the answer you wanted to listen , perhaps that's the only thing I do that would make you feel happy

Cause every thing I do or say , there's always something you have to say about isn't it?

So this time, seriously, tell me an answer you want me to say.

Every night I go to bed with a question in my mind , Why , and till date , I still can't figure out what went wrong

Perhaps I've changed , or perhaps I didn't know you after all

Seriously , just tell me what you want to do, so that your life would not be so miserable .

p.s I've always believe, we can't have the best of both world. So don't tell me something impossible

All the while , I hate the feeling of waiting for a reply, that's the reason why , I've always find a time when one isn't so busy so that they don't take ages to reply msg

And you are even better, cause you don't let me wait so long , cause you just . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . .

much APPRECIATED

Went for a short trip to Cameron on Sunday , would blog about it some other time .

On my way back, thought of sms-ing a friend to see where they would be, perhaps we can meet up for dinner or something , cause I was expecting Sg Buloh area to be super jam, but mana tau no jam and reached Klang alot earlier than expected.

Wasn't a wise choice after all . Cause today was the first time after knowing this friend for 6 years, first time I think till the point that both of us weren't happy with the sms-es today..

I had always kept my temper at an almost 0 point whenever it comes to this person, just that today, don't ask me why it wasn't , it's just incident after incident and plus the fact I was super tired and even after explaining the term "ur friend" , I've still got an uneasy reply

One doesn't like the term "your friend"

And I don't like the idea of using another person's phone to replying. 

I never tried ending a conversation be it through sms or phone calls before, unless I know one is busy or would have a long day the next day

But today, one because I'm driving , second is because I really don't want to continue arguing , cause I know this would lead us to no where , and I don't want to lose a friend.

That's the reason why, I did not make the initiative to call one up tonight.

It's really amazing how much things have changed these 2 months. 

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Sometimes to think about it, back than , when we have nothing, we still enjoy ourself and have the good old times.

Think about it , we don't have the convenient of browsing the internet 24/7 back than, not forgetting smart plans , which gives you data . And with data plan these days, ppl rarely uses the SMS service

But forget not that one even survived even without a smart plan back than.

What have changed? As we get more and more advanced , we tend to get too depended on it, very dependent indeed.

Just some random bullshit thought of mine

p.s tell me what to do

short update

the fact that you've already decided in spending all your free time with only one person, you gotta expect that your other friends would eventually start losing contact with you.

Cause we can't have the best of both world.. You've made your choice 

posted this as my facebook status, and just thought of updating a short post before going up to Cameron

yup, another random sunday trip

Think about it, the phrase above, to see if it's true.

You know it's never a risky game, cause you know the guy now is still waiting for your YES

And you know you still have the choice to choose.

You know you have the advantage in this game of cards.

There is this saying , " A person actions will tell you everything you need to know "

True enough, I know where I stand today , but I'm telling you that I wont be standing the place I'm for long, cause sooner or later, if things continue the way it is , I would just take it as i just found another new hi & bye kind off friend

There's still a long bumpy road ahead for me in life, and having to be so that not in a mood just thinking about it, makes my shoulder even heavier.

Worry not, as I wont be bothering you for a short conversation , cause yesterday would be good enough to let me know if I should .

And this noon lunch offer was just good enough to let me know that you've made a choice . 

p.s I'm disappointed with myself , but frankly, I'm even more disappointed in you . 

it's already 4pm , gotta go, if not dunno what time can only reach cameron..

I've always said, everything has a good and bad side , this post might make one people happy and another sad ( but as though it would bother ) . ya. chaoz

i have a feeling

it's already 3 am in the morning, and I gotta wake up at 6 am later for a convocation. .

Yup, i know , its a Saturday , a day no one will ever call me out during the morning and noon cause they know I can leave any day but never on a Saturday

Even holiday with friends, also they left on Saturday and I drive the next day to meet them up.

But there's always an exception for everything. Not wanting to talk much about it. Cause there's nothing good to talk about, taking half day off on a Saturday , isn't something my dad would really like to listen.

Plus the fact that my on line business for this month is really at a slow pace and not forgetting it's only the 5th of October but stocks I've bought that is due to pay the end of the month is already 14k . And this whole week, it's really been a very unproductive week, with me wearing shorts to shop almost everyday , and spending only very few hours. Was busy with some other personal stuff

And today wasn't a good day for her , something bad happened. It's not the first time I've been telling her about it.

But? * pek chek * and gave her a "lecture" and I really hope the person take what I wrote seriously and this is no play matter.

One would not be so lucky twice.

Lucky one is al right now, cause I was supposed to offer her a ride, but I did not. * I don't want to talk about it*

So esok will be a super busy day, morning with 2 customers coming

and another 2 in the noon, hopefully I'm able to handle the timings

p/s when I don't ask, it doesn't mean that I don't care .

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decided to edit my post again, cause cannot sleep. sigh

semalam , received a sms from a friend of mine.

reading : where are you? free? feeling down, wanna talk to someone.

but i only replied half hour later , and asking if it's too late

she said no, and I just replied picking you up in half hour

mana tau? zzzzzz we ended up makaning steamboat and karaoke-ing till 4 am

ya, i know, i dun fancy going to karaoke, but for friend sake :)

thought apa hal emo pulak . aiks. cause this is only the second time ppl like her would really call me for help . when i meant help, i meant those type of help when a person is feeling very very very down.

The first time? oh my, really shocked to see this friend of mine in that state at the moment. .

* let's keep this to myself *

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Guess i really gotta force myself to sleep..

nitez world

I don't like the idea of you lying to your parents

nuff said

call that nvr came

Its almost half pass four in the morning..

And i gotta get up later at 8.30 , cause later will be a super busy morning at shop.

Why am i still awake?

Cause i was waiting for a call that never came.

Stupid isn't it? After all it wasn't the first time . But I really thought today would be an exception , the fact that you would be only getting back home in the wee hours. With someone drinking to fetch u back.

BUT I GOTTA MAKE MYSELF clear that , that would be last .

Cause I think if one just cant be bothered, why should I be bothered?

I didn't know, that it was such a hard thing for one to do , just to a simple request for a friend, I really wonder if telco company are charging super expensive for a call that would take 30 seconds.

Or maybe one just can't be bothered..

Sometimes I pretend that I don't care. But really, I care more than anyone else ever will

a friend of mine posted this on her fb... super like the status

The only diff is that I don't pretend that I don't care . But times and times again, it is this feeling of caring tat reli put me sleepless night.

I've tried telling myself , don't be bothered , she is old enough to think  and who are you to care, but I dunno why, at the end of the day, I still can't do it.

But I seriously think I really reach my limit, till the extend that I told you that I am really disappointed in you .

I even said I think we need to have a talk. And I really mean it.

If I don't hear you by Sunday  , than I think we really have nothing else to talk about.

Lost for words. What else do you think can i say?

I am ok with anyone else disappointing me, but I really didn't thought that you too would be the same.

I reli thought that you would be different.

And you prove me wrong .

Perhaps I did not take this 5 years of friendship to know you better. Or perhaps for you, time is just a number.

I really wonder....

limit

The fact that I told you that I hope you know what are you doing

It's just to remind you , and frankly speaking I think that is the limit I can take it .

Not trying to be over protective ( after-all who am i to be ) but I seriously think that I am starting to lose my patience

And when the replied , I thought you would be happy for me?

I can't stop but wonder, in which part? Should I be happy with

I've always wanted you to have your share of joy, not always being the person I used to know, getting grounded at your home all the while.

But frankly speaking, this isn't the changes I would be happy looking at.

And I would not know whether your parents know about your outing ( I'm guessing that......................................) , hopefully I am wrong

Regrets, we have many in life

But the only regret I really can't stop thinking about is the fact that I've thought by bringing you for a vacation , you would get a break from your hectic life.

And seriously, I really regretted . Really regretted .

I don't know if I would like to have a talk with you, but I doubt i would. I mean, would my words make any diff? I doubt

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'


p.s I'll do my cryings in the rain

heart ache

What say you?

Anyway what a week it had been , business was slightly better

But not in personal issues..

And to make things worst?

I don't use that small lane beside my shop whenever I'm driving Sonata , but that day was an exception ( personal issues ) so I've thought of dropping her off before reversing to use the main road back

Little did I notice that both sides got the dam divider



There's this two friends of mine. And both are equally good friends of mine, both are the kind of friends that I would always try to help if a favor is needed.

Recently, I've catch up with this friend of mine, it's almost 3 years since we last met.. ( susah buat appointment ) 

And we did talk about many other stuff too.. And one of the many was drawing the line .

Could not quote the phrase as the blog is now "CLOSED" but it's good to know that one like her would draw a line . Stressing out that being single doesn't mean we are ok to do things out of our limit

And you might be very right by saying the phrase that you don't feel there is a need to be proud off with many man .................................................

True enough.

Perhaps each have their own thinking? Maybe the other enjoy the feeling of being wanted?

As a friend, what should be said, I've think I've already said.

They always say, it's never easy to tame someone that just learn how to fly..

Very true, I've been through such stages in life, I am sure most of us have too..

But perhaps each one of us have their own line?

But I really wonder , how far is your line. From the way things are going , I cannot really see the chances of you drawing a line.

When I asked why was there a "supposed" word in the message , frankly speaking I wasn't looking for the answer you gave. Perhaps that is the real reason, I don't know.

But if you ask me, I'm sure there's more than that.

But getting the answer from you, I know , I should really stop asking. As I really see no point of me asking it.

I've never once thought I would think this way, but it's really heart ache to say that I'm really disappointed .

The line TTUT  , a line I heard most . And I took it seriously , I even change the ringtone of my phone to something more noisy to make sure I can hear it , putting it right beside me while i get a short nap waiting.

one time, two time , three time , and till the fourth time, my reply will just be will see how. cause I know , the line doesn't mean anything, its just mean u r busy at the moment. thats all..

stupid me isn't it?

It's not that I am putting the blame , who am I to blame, cause not everyone is as free as you think thy might be..

But at the end of the day, I still believe, it only depends on what did we set for our priorities .

Nuff said

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It's really been a while since I last had a phone conversation with friends. Everyone is busy with their own stuff and what's not.

But frankly speaking , if I did requested to have one, I really did cause I really felt like sharing out or just pouring out my problemsssssssss to someone. Especially recent weeks. But . . .. . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Whats done is done..

At the moment, it's not that I no longer need it, it's just that I've given up in asking for a short talk. I really give up. Cause there's no use in me doing so, you just won't understand the feeling ..

That deep disappointing feeling you get , knowing that you just gotta hold all your thoughts just for yourself , cause another doesn't have the time to listen to your craps. Life? Seriously , I think I really had enough.

When i used the word doesn't have " the time " , cause I know that " the time " was spent with perhaps 'super important conversation ' which is super important . Or with people they haven met for years. ( i know I'm being sarcastic here )

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The only thing that make my day this week , was a Beep Beep on my Samsung phone..

With the msg starting WOI

A simple msg , nothing special you might think, but for someone without a data phone to whatsapp that simple WOI , really made my day :)

Thanks for everything , for making me feel YOUNG , I've seriously lost count when was the last time I felt young

Don't worry, we still have 3 weeks to catch up :)

And don't worry about who's paying the bill for suppers , I know you well ( hope so? )

And never once it cross my mind about the worries u are worrying.

NEVER ONCE , if you really wanna treat me a meal, let me knw earlier, i will find somewhere EXPENSIVE for you to foot the bill :)

Time to call it a day, its already 3am , esok maybe 9.30 got customer wanna come..

Time to get myself to bed ;)


p.s don't ever feel Paiseh when I jio you out for supper, you know that I come out almost every night , so no diff :)

p.ss Perhaps the next time we meet during your big day, it's the day I really should call it a day. Maybe this way, your "fren" would feel more secure , don't have to worry if I'm chasing after you or not.

appreciate your pm today during dinner , but you know , that things are just not the same, might not be for you, but if you ask me, i would say , it will never be the same again :(

GOODNIGHT World :)

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

really feel like breaking down............

but theres..............................................................

this friend of mine :)

ps: I have no where for me to rant. Bloggie, you're my only heartiest listener. you're me, you're my story.

quoted from this gooooooooooooooooodieeeee friend of mine, a person that I used to share my troubles with , we've talked about all sorts of stuff , there are even times when she broke down while talking on our back than late nite chats...

A friend that definitely have that special place in me :) 

Just that we seldom get it touch these days ever since she started in her relationship . Reason being? Guess it's something personal...

How much things have changed.. I used to keep myself updated with her blog, and sigh , perhaps not checking out ppl's blog these days isn't really a good things.. So much have happen , and little did I know , I know how it feels going through it alone, cause I went through the same shit alone too.

When you think that the blog is our only listener...

And while reading the post, I felt a little ...................

One word "changed" changes everything. 

Two words, "I changed" settle everything off. 

How awesome man can be?

I felt being bad when I read the phrase above, I guess man would always be man?

Will definitely do lots of catching up with you soon...

Missed those good old days we had, we don't hang out often ( both hands also can count ) but it's those late night talks , and all those UGLY MMS you sent :P

And thinking back to what i used to do those days, even during our tuition days , cnt stop laughing at myself ..

Time to call it a day, its half pass 2 in the morning, gotta wake up at 9.30 later busy saturday

I AM CATCHING UP WITH U VERY SOON!!!!!!!! ada form main bowling!!!!!!

don't ever question my . . . . .. . . . .

two sleepless night.. The feeling of my heart being weak ( really weak , not just that emo weak ) .

Was caught surprise in a what I think came too randomly , not that I've have not expected one to think that way. But the fact that when one pop's up the issue all of the sudden, you just don't know what to react.

But I would say , I really hope such awkward situation wouldn't happen again . I doubt it would knowing the fact that I've would soon have to get things clear , knowing that things isn't going in a good direction.

每人手中都有一张底牌

a status I've posted on fb yesterday . And I couldn't agree more on it .

It's up to you guys to think about it, but that's what I really think....

Wasn't really in a mood but couldn't get one to talk too, so decided to just write it out here..

Peace once asked me recently, today , how you are treating me isn't different from how you are treating her?

And I really wonder why is there a need to pop such question?

What kind of an answer would one like to hear?

As the saying goes, truth isn't always a nice thing to listen

Let me get my stand right, everyone knows who I've cared about ... It isn't about to compare who I've cared more . And if one would have questioned if I've had fallen for another even during my courtship days. I would say , you are no one to judge.

 Unless the other half feel the same too..

If that's the case , what is there for me to say? Perhaps I'm just not your Mr Right? * i doubt you would feel that too *

I might not be the best, nor good , but I know what's the limit, and there are things, I've always set my STAND FIRM, and that includes falling for someone while in a relationship.. nuff said

Feelings come and go, this we gotta admit

But I always believe , if its meant to be, it will always be... might sound stupid but its just my thinking

And this is the reason why I don't take crush seriously... Don't tell me you haven had a crush? 

It's been a month full of " controversial" . I have people talking behind , I have people making assumptions and what's not.

There isn't a 100% when it comes to relationship

Our criteria in choosing our partners would change when you think you found your right one

Me too used to say that I would never fall for a chinese ed :) 

does this sentence sounds so wrong to you?

What if the one you love isn't the one you cared most ? Or vice versa?
What say you?

Sounds conflicting isn't it?

Those reading my blog would only be my circle of friends that I mix with often..

And so what if I woke up early in the morning to fetch a friend of mine just for classes?

So what if I took half day off just to pick one back after college?

So what if I offered to go all the way down just to pick someone up cause it's just so late?

Is there a problem in me doing that?

I've said this a thousand times, the will to do or not , only depends on how we set our priority . If I've set my priority the same to anyone of you, than you too would have the same treatment

But just accept the fact that we do have a part of us just for that someone .. 

DON'T BULLSHIT that why so sudden treating someone so good ...

How I've treated this friend of mine all these while, I guess there is not a need for me to explain? And I've said the same thing too , if you are in a relationship with someone today, than of course you don't expect me to treat u the same as how I'm now. * it's just my principle that there are times where we need to draw a line knowing that one have the other partner .

Think about it, we often give two bloody different answers to two different sexes for 2 bloody same question without second thought? so why make a big fuss?

and we are talking about a non ordinary friend of mine. A person which i used to talk about almost everything, i would say EVERYTHING , pardon me for using the word used too . Cause ................... don't really wanna talk about it

And the million dollar question for most of you reading , so have you fallen for this friend of yours?

* is that important for you guys? as if it would make a difference ?

p.s not having a good feeling on where this is heading too

if I played my cards , it's the day I think I would lose everything

  

lost the feeling of being "young"

Its been a long time since I've last updated this dead blog of mine .

so what happened recently? Too many , and basically that's the reason why I'm blogging now at half pass 3 in the midnight


Lets start with our random hari raya trip, a last min trip made possible with people like Jeremy XD

We believe in form.. ada form holiday , don't need planning early early mcm keyboard warrior ... oopssss later orang terasa haha

jetty Pulau Pangkor, super crowded. what to expect during the raya holidays

 a must take picture, cause it's her first time stepping foot at the famous Ipoh dim sum

 super like playing watersport. kinda tiring too

at the new jetty :) for lunch

first group photo .. one of the very few ( mcm only got one actually )

other pictures would upload at fb ASAP ....

extended the planned 2days 1 nite trip with another night up at genting highland.. and luck wasn't on our side this time ( just trying to console myself ) cause all room is fully booked ... * PUBLIC HOLIDAY* and no one would be optimistic enough to drive up hoping for a room.. my fren.....

but $ solve it .. let's not talk about $ can we?

it seems it is not appropriate for me to upload this at fb, so i shall just upload it here..

a "friend" of hers joined us for the genting nite.. or should i put it this way, it was for the sake of him & her did i gave in with staying over a nite at the ever so crowded highland..

anyhow , glad that everyone enjoyed themselves.

taken at genting before we get out for our live band.. and sorry for the LOUSY blur pic, what can we expect from an IPHONE FRONT camera XD

super like this pic, even made it as my fb profile pic ( sudah tukar la now )

and there's another pic i like too, the rempit pic, but photo not with me....

final pic before leaving.. just to prove that we are at GENTING :)

would not want to talk much about the trip , afterall sudah so long.. what's important is the dark girl in the pic above enjoyed her trip..

enough about that...

lets get back to life at the moment ..

hows life been for you guys?

me? many things have happened.

really many... at times I really felt like shouting out loud, but again who will be there to listen?

it seems that there isn't anyone now that i can poured out everything in my mind...... as much as I hate to admit , even the one that used to be isn't the same today . . .

life is just getting complicated these days..

so much have changed , and it isn't the changes I've would have expected nor wanted

those were the good old days.....

Lets talk about work ... as expected this month would definitely be a quiet month, but seriously did not expect it to be as quiet as it is..

many things to think about...

and one thing that worry me most now is, if the one day really came, how would I explain? oh my oh my, guess I've should not have made it that way from day one... sighhhhhhhhhhh ( ignore this part , only myself would know what i meant )

Sometimes I've really wonder what future holds for me, in my working life or i should put career life.. knowing that the field and job that I'm doing now isn't something that I've can make a living for the rest of my life.. But at the moment, this is my only choice, till the day my dad calls it a day for his working life ( which would not be in the near future, as he cannot afford to retire so soon ) .  by than, how old would I be?

What would my future plans be? start looking for a job when I'm 30? starting from ground again?

Not that I could have a choice , but at this very moment , I know that only by doing what I'm doing now would do best for my family....

And that's is why everyday i only think of making $ finding more ways to make $ , cause I'm not born in a financially healthy family. ( glad that these days are better with forum n fb contributing a few k income )

People talk about the foreign exchange market. I've given it a tried, and I would say it's not my type of income .....

I've said this a thousand times and again I state my stand that we live in a realistic and materialistic world....

As much as one hate to admit, money can do you wonders.. I've gotta agree that money can't buy you health but other than that . Money can possibly buy you almost everything..

and yes , when I used the word almost everything , it include Happiness and love..

Don't start bullshitting to me that love is blind and what's not...

Don't really feel like talking about it............. but think again, and answer honestly

Today , I would say among all my peers , i've think that most of them would be very envy of my life now . But like what people always say , you see me good i see you good...

And in life, there's always a price to pay... I've really paid a heavy price , to be frank , 4 years in college and i would say I've live a plain college life..

Now that I've graduated, my life seems to be a daily routine, doing the same things over and over again..

Waking up in the morning , getting to shop , back home for bath, off to cafe to upload photo at night...

In between , calling peace out for brunch or dinner .... that's it..

I've lost the feeling of being "young" .. Doing what people my age are doing .. meeting new friends, courting girls. or lets put it in a more not serious way instead of courting, may i use the word flirting .. and etc.. the only thing i have more than them is the freedom to get off day for vacation ( but who on earth would go for a vacation if you know you are on a loss making month )

Many say I'm too depended on my other half ( would use the word my other half, as what many think ) .  I admit that fact . . But let's just be fair that it isn't only because I'm too dependent but it's who else can I depend on? I would say for the last 5 years . I've got no one close that I can depend on.. My circle of life is just that small . Or can I used the word I'm just a guy that is used to be alone.. I go to the cafe alone every night to online, I don't really mind going alone actually, cause I'm just going to work and jaga my working fb, so alone isn't a big issue for me, you can see me sitting down from 9pm to 1 am .. just staring at the com....

And having someone who is always there for you during your good and bad times especially with such a bad temper guy like me, a one kind guy ( like what my mom always tell her ) don't mean the kindness kind ... What else can I asked for?

I've had enough of lecture by ppl telling me what to do and giving me advice which its obvious enough, I don't need ppl telling me that my mom is a female... But don't you yourself go through my situation?

Or maybe because your other half isn't as tolerate as mine? And therefore the blame would always be on me?

I've given up asking ppl to put themselves in my shoe, cause they wouldn't know the things running in mind.. Being the only sibling that is able to bring income for my family , since my second sister still has 2 years before graduating and this simply means not only she would not be contributing to the family economy but would also be helping in some expenses.. Now that the her uni is shifting soon. Mom would be starting to ......................................... about buying another cheap car.. and how cheap its also a commitment.. of spending another few hundreds each month...

And not forgetting about my first sister ( the one standing beside my mom )

nothing special from the pic isn't it?

but my bunch of friends would know that she is actually a " special child or we put it as a kanak -kanak istimewa .. basically her mentality would be nothing more than a 10 year old child... Now that she's 26 or 25 . but when comparing it to others of her type, I guess we are consider very lucky, as she can do household chores , and don't need any major attention for her daily routine.. just that her mentality like a child would never changed..

Have you ever see your mom looking dissapointed? when you asked her to transfer her savings to another longer term savings like insurance ? That's what I've gone through... The disappointed look in her when she told me that by saving like this , 5 years later she would be able to get herself and my elder sister a holiday in Sydney.. And even asking for my assurance, whether me asking her to transfer her small saving towards the insurance plan that i was proposing back than was a good choice...

At that very moment, I really tried hard to control my tears from falling...

At the age of almost 54, she still gotta save for 5 years before she can afford to go for a vacation at Sydney..

so how do you expect me that someone can really feel what am I going through.. It's family background that pushes me to do what am I doing today..

And to those who think that I'm making big money today , you are so wrong..

And as a matter of fact, I am only surviving on a 1k pocket money ( i would used the word pocket money ) every month that my mom gives me.. and at times, even the 1k also i won't take, if I have some extra income through personal COD and etc..

Be it making a 6k benchmark profit or a 5 figure profit , 1k is still my pocket money ( but it isn't important , as i've always make it a point to have my own COD profit ) so think again if u feel that u are envy of my life... I've got nothing except driving around in a bank owned 160k car which again I would put it in a way that when I know dad is going out, I would definitely leave the car at home, cause how good am I in selling or pulling customer online, it is still my dad that is working under the sun ( those who came to my shop know why it is working under the sun ) .  And i think no one deserve driving more than my dad cause he has been working for 40 years and the only 2 new car he drove was a 91 year accord and even than later he passed the ride to my mom and he himself settle down with a iswara..

* but even though he kinda like the Nissan Teana ( but i reli cannot accept the uncle looks of the ride ) So sorry XD it's still a Korean 

How many of you need to worry about your parents not able to make ends meet ?

It's because since young I've spent too much time at my shop and I've know the status of my family . and that's the reason why I ...................................................................................

think i should call it a day for blogging, cause its already 4.30 am...

* not to say that i could sleep now, just that i don't really wanna talk about it..

nitez

p.s call me maybe?

It's been two months since I've last blog . Been a really busy month, can't even upload all the photo's in time and etc.

Cause recently a little busy with my facebook working account..

It's already half pass 3 in the morning, as tired as I am now, but I think I've gotta blog my thought now. ( dam, gotta wake up at 9.30 tomorrow )

The month of March, really gives me mix feeling.

Super happy to have finally cross the 5 figure profit in one month thxs to my online biz through forum and also Facebook ( which have manage to increase my customer base )

But it was also the month of March which I've think would make things clear?
*March 22, a day which i thought would be celebrated not in a grand way, but i thought we could have bring back some good old memories.

but it seems i was wrong, wasn't a really good day to start off with

and today's incident, I think we both have enough.

things have been 'hanging' since last year , and i dun know how to describe our relationship, but as far as i am concern. I've never once use the word ex. I would rather say your name , if one is asking who am I with.

No doubt, you have been tolerating alot, but at times, i cannot take it when things like today happen. its only a simple question and all i need is a simple answer, and this isn't the first time i get frustrated and irritated cause of your reply.

As much as we hate to admit, but the 'spark' is definitely isn't there as it used to be.

There's definitely something missing..

Perhaps the saying absence makes the heart grow fonder would makes things better?

Perhaps this would be a better alternative for you and me, as in this way, you will no longer need to tolerate as who am I to criticize, complain ,order and etc..

I used to say when things stated 'hanging' that i would want to go all out and have more freedom, but yet again, I couldn't . Somehow, there's just something that seem pulling me from it.

Perhaps this time, I would ?

our recent genting trip

thxs for all the memories, we've been to China, Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia and sorry for not being able to reach the 5 countries that i;ve always wanted to acheive before reaching the age 21

* u noe the only 2 stuff i've wanted to achieve before 21 is to hit the 5 figure income at least once, and also this 5 countries

reli miss the time we have in China. and real sorry for not being able to go for our China trip this feb, i knw we both have high hope onto this, but really sorry as financial didnt allow me :(

really thanks for staying through good and bad times..