call that nvr came

Its almost half pass four in the morning..

And i gotta get up later at 8.30 , cause later will be a super busy morning at shop.

Why am i still awake?

Cause i was waiting for a call that never came.

Stupid isn't it? After all it wasn't the first time . But I really thought today would be an exception , the fact that you would be only getting back home in the wee hours. With someone drinking to fetch u back.

BUT I GOTTA MAKE MYSELF clear that , that would be last .

Cause I think if one just cant be bothered, why should I be bothered?

I didn't know, that it was such a hard thing for one to do , just to a simple request for a friend, I really wonder if telco company are charging super expensive for a call that would take 30 seconds.

Or maybe one just can't be bothered..

Sometimes I pretend that I don't care. But really, I care more than anyone else ever will

a friend of mine posted this on her fb... super like the status

The only diff is that I don't pretend that I don't care . But times and times again, it is this feeling of caring tat reli put me sleepless night.

I've tried telling myself , don't be bothered , she is old enough to think  and who are you to care, but I dunno why, at the end of the day, I still can't do it.

But I seriously think I really reach my limit, till the extend that I told you that I am really disappointed in you .

I even said I think we need to have a talk. And I really mean it.

If I don't hear you by Sunday  , than I think we really have nothing else to talk about.

Lost for words. What else do you think can i say?

I am ok with anyone else disappointing me, but I really didn't thought that you too would be the same.

I reli thought that you would be different.

And you prove me wrong .

Perhaps I did not take this 5 years of friendship to know you better. Or perhaps for you, time is just a number.

I really wonder....

limit

The fact that I told you that I hope you know what are you doing

It's just to remind you , and frankly speaking I think that is the limit I can take it .

Not trying to be over protective ( after-all who am i to be ) but I seriously think that I am starting to lose my patience

And when the replied , I thought you would be happy for me?

I can't stop but wonder, in which part? Should I be happy with

I've always wanted you to have your share of joy, not always being the person I used to know, getting grounded at your home all the while.

But frankly speaking, this isn't the changes I would be happy looking at.

And I would not know whether your parents know about your outing ( I'm guessing that......................................) , hopefully I am wrong

Regrets, we have many in life

But the only regret I really can't stop thinking about is the fact that I've thought by bringing you for a vacation , you would get a break from your hectic life.

And seriously, I really regretted . Really regretted .

I don't know if I would like to have a talk with you, but I doubt i would. I mean, would my words make any diff? I doubt

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'


p.s I'll do my cryings in the rain

heart ache

What say you?

Anyway what a week it had been , business was slightly better

But not in personal issues..

And to make things worst?

I don't use that small lane beside my shop whenever I'm driving Sonata , but that day was an exception ( personal issues ) so I've thought of dropping her off before reversing to use the main road back

Little did I notice that both sides got the dam divider



There's this two friends of mine. And both are equally good friends of mine, both are the kind of friends that I would always try to help if a favor is needed.

Recently, I've catch up with this friend of mine, it's almost 3 years since we last met.. ( susah buat appointment ) 

And we did talk about many other stuff too.. And one of the many was drawing the line .

Could not quote the phrase as the blog is now "CLOSED" but it's good to know that one like her would draw a line . Stressing out that being single doesn't mean we are ok to do things out of our limit

And you might be very right by saying the phrase that you don't feel there is a need to be proud off with many man .................................................

True enough.

Perhaps each have their own thinking? Maybe the other enjoy the feeling of being wanted?

As a friend, what should be said, I've think I've already said.

They always say, it's never easy to tame someone that just learn how to fly..

Very true, I've been through such stages in life, I am sure most of us have too..

But perhaps each one of us have their own line?

But I really wonder , how far is your line. From the way things are going , I cannot really see the chances of you drawing a line.

When I asked why was there a "supposed" word in the message , frankly speaking I wasn't looking for the answer you gave. Perhaps that is the real reason, I don't know.

But if you ask me, I'm sure there's more than that.

But getting the answer from you, I know , I should really stop asking. As I really see no point of me asking it.

I've never once thought I would think this way, but it's really heart ache to say that I'm really disappointed .

The line TTUT  , a line I heard most . And I took it seriously , I even change the ringtone of my phone to something more noisy to make sure I can hear it , putting it right beside me while i get a short nap waiting.

one time, two time , three time , and till the fourth time, my reply will just be will see how. cause I know , the line doesn't mean anything, its just mean u r busy at the moment. thats all..

stupid me isn't it?

It's not that I am putting the blame , who am I to blame, cause not everyone is as free as you think thy might be..

But at the end of the day, I still believe, it only depends on what did we set for our priorities .

Nuff said

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It's really been a while since I last had a phone conversation with friends. Everyone is busy with their own stuff and what's not.

But frankly speaking , if I did requested to have one, I really did cause I really felt like sharing out or just pouring out my problemsssssssss to someone. Especially recent weeks. But . . .. . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Whats done is done..

At the moment, it's not that I no longer need it, it's just that I've given up in asking for a short talk. I really give up. Cause there's no use in me doing so, you just won't understand the feeling ..

That deep disappointing feeling you get , knowing that you just gotta hold all your thoughts just for yourself , cause another doesn't have the time to listen to your craps. Life? Seriously , I think I really had enough.

When i used the word doesn't have " the time " , cause I know that " the time " was spent with perhaps 'super important conversation ' which is super important . Or with people they haven met for years. ( i know I'm being sarcastic here )

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The only thing that make my day this week , was a Beep Beep on my Samsung phone..

With the msg starting WOI

A simple msg , nothing special you might think, but for someone without a data phone to whatsapp that simple WOI , really made my day :)

Thanks for everything , for making me feel YOUNG , I've seriously lost count when was the last time I felt young

Don't worry, we still have 3 weeks to catch up :)

And don't worry about who's paying the bill for suppers , I know you well ( hope so? )

And never once it cross my mind about the worries u are worrying.

NEVER ONCE , if you really wanna treat me a meal, let me knw earlier, i will find somewhere EXPENSIVE for you to foot the bill :)

Time to call it a day, its already 3am , esok maybe 9.30 got customer wanna come..

Time to get myself to bed ;)


p.s don't ever feel Paiseh when I jio you out for supper, you know that I come out almost every night , so no diff :)

p.ss Perhaps the next time we meet during your big day, it's the day I really should call it a day. Maybe this way, your "fren" would feel more secure , don't have to worry if I'm chasing after you or not.

appreciate your pm today during dinner , but you know , that things are just not the same, might not be for you, but if you ask me, i would say , it will never be the same again :(

GOODNIGHT World :)

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

really feel like breaking down............

but theres..............................................................

this friend of mine :)

ps: I have no where for me to rant. Bloggie, you're my only heartiest listener. you're me, you're my story.

quoted from this gooooooooooooooooodieeeee friend of mine, a person that I used to share my troubles with , we've talked about all sorts of stuff , there are even times when she broke down while talking on our back than late nite chats...

A friend that definitely have that special place in me :) 

Just that we seldom get it touch these days ever since she started in her relationship . Reason being? Guess it's something personal...

How much things have changed.. I used to keep myself updated with her blog, and sigh , perhaps not checking out ppl's blog these days isn't really a good things.. So much have happen , and little did I know , I know how it feels going through it alone, cause I went through the same shit alone too.

When you think that the blog is our only listener...

And while reading the post, I felt a little ...................

One word "changed" changes everything. 

Two words, "I changed" settle everything off. 

How awesome man can be?

I felt being bad when I read the phrase above, I guess man would always be man?

Will definitely do lots of catching up with you soon...

Missed those good old days we had, we don't hang out often ( both hands also can count ) but it's those late night talks , and all those UGLY MMS you sent :P

And thinking back to what i used to do those days, even during our tuition days , cnt stop laughing at myself ..

Time to call it a day, its half pass 2 in the morning, gotta wake up at 9.30 later busy saturday

I AM CATCHING UP WITH U VERY SOON!!!!!!!! ada form main bowling!!!!!!

don't ever question my . . . . .. . . . .

two sleepless night.. The feeling of my heart being weak ( really weak , not just that emo weak ) .

Was caught surprise in a what I think came too randomly , not that I've have not expected one to think that way. But the fact that when one pop's up the issue all of the sudden, you just don't know what to react.

But I would say , I really hope such awkward situation wouldn't happen again . I doubt it would knowing the fact that I've would soon have to get things clear , knowing that things isn't going in a good direction.

每人手中都有一张底牌

a status I've posted on fb yesterday . And I couldn't agree more on it .

It's up to you guys to think about it, but that's what I really think....

Wasn't really in a mood but couldn't get one to talk too, so decided to just write it out here..

Peace once asked me recently, today , how you are treating me isn't different from how you are treating her?

And I really wonder why is there a need to pop such question?

What kind of an answer would one like to hear?

As the saying goes, truth isn't always a nice thing to listen

Let me get my stand right, everyone knows who I've cared about ... It isn't about to compare who I've cared more . And if one would have questioned if I've had fallen for another even during my courtship days. I would say , you are no one to judge.

 Unless the other half feel the same too..

If that's the case , what is there for me to say? Perhaps I'm just not your Mr Right? * i doubt you would feel that too *

I might not be the best, nor good , but I know what's the limit, and there are things, I've always set my STAND FIRM, and that includes falling for someone while in a relationship.. nuff said

Feelings come and go, this we gotta admit

But I always believe , if its meant to be, it will always be... might sound stupid but its just my thinking

And this is the reason why I don't take crush seriously... Don't tell me you haven had a crush? 

It's been a month full of " controversial" . I have people talking behind , I have people making assumptions and what's not.

There isn't a 100% when it comes to relationship

Our criteria in choosing our partners would change when you think you found your right one

Me too used to say that I would never fall for a chinese ed :) 

does this sentence sounds so wrong to you?

What if the one you love isn't the one you cared most ? Or vice versa?
What say you?

Sounds conflicting isn't it?

Those reading my blog would only be my circle of friends that I mix with often..

And so what if I woke up early in the morning to fetch a friend of mine just for classes?

So what if I took half day off just to pick one back after college?

So what if I offered to go all the way down just to pick someone up cause it's just so late?

Is there a problem in me doing that?

I've said this a thousand times, the will to do or not , only depends on how we set our priority . If I've set my priority the same to anyone of you, than you too would have the same treatment

But just accept the fact that we do have a part of us just for that someone .. 

DON'T BULLSHIT that why so sudden treating someone so good ...

How I've treated this friend of mine all these while, I guess there is not a need for me to explain? And I've said the same thing too , if you are in a relationship with someone today, than of course you don't expect me to treat u the same as how I'm now. * it's just my principle that there are times where we need to draw a line knowing that one have the other partner .

Think about it, we often give two bloody different answers to two different sexes for 2 bloody same question without second thought? so why make a big fuss?

and we are talking about a non ordinary friend of mine. A person which i used to talk about almost everything, i would say EVERYTHING , pardon me for using the word used too . Cause ................... don't really wanna talk about it

And the million dollar question for most of you reading , so have you fallen for this friend of yours?

* is that important for you guys? as if it would make a difference ?

p.s not having a good feeling on where this is heading too

if I played my cards , it's the day I think I would lose everything

  

lost the feeling of being "young"

Its been a long time since I've last updated this dead blog of mine .

so what happened recently? Too many , and basically that's the reason why I'm blogging now at half pass 3 in the midnight


Lets start with our random hari raya trip, a last min trip made possible with people like Jeremy XD

We believe in form.. ada form holiday , don't need planning early early mcm keyboard warrior ... oopssss later orang terasa haha

jetty Pulau Pangkor, super crowded. what to expect during the raya holidays

 a must take picture, cause it's her first time stepping foot at the famous Ipoh dim sum

 super like playing watersport. kinda tiring too

at the new jetty :) for lunch

first group photo .. one of the very few ( mcm only got one actually )

other pictures would upload at fb ASAP ....

extended the planned 2days 1 nite trip with another night up at genting highland.. and luck wasn't on our side this time ( just trying to console myself ) cause all room is fully booked ... * PUBLIC HOLIDAY* and no one would be optimistic enough to drive up hoping for a room.. my fren.....

but $ solve it .. let's not talk about $ can we?

it seems it is not appropriate for me to upload this at fb, so i shall just upload it here..

a "friend" of hers joined us for the genting nite.. or should i put it this way, it was for the sake of him & her did i gave in with staying over a nite at the ever so crowded highland..

anyhow , glad that everyone enjoyed themselves.

taken at genting before we get out for our live band.. and sorry for the LOUSY blur pic, what can we expect from an IPHONE FRONT camera XD

super like this pic, even made it as my fb profile pic ( sudah tukar la now )

and there's another pic i like too, the rempit pic, but photo not with me....

final pic before leaving.. just to prove that we are at GENTING :)

would not want to talk much about the trip , afterall sudah so long.. what's important is the dark girl in the pic above enjoyed her trip..

enough about that...

lets get back to life at the moment ..

hows life been for you guys?

me? many things have happened.

really many... at times I really felt like shouting out loud, but again who will be there to listen?

it seems that there isn't anyone now that i can poured out everything in my mind...... as much as I hate to admit , even the one that used to be isn't the same today . . .

life is just getting complicated these days..

so much have changed , and it isn't the changes I've would have expected nor wanted

those were the good old days.....

Lets talk about work ... as expected this month would definitely be a quiet month, but seriously did not expect it to be as quiet as it is..

many things to think about...

and one thing that worry me most now is, if the one day really came, how would I explain? oh my oh my, guess I've should not have made it that way from day one... sighhhhhhhhhhh ( ignore this part , only myself would know what i meant )

Sometimes I've really wonder what future holds for me, in my working life or i should put career life.. knowing that the field and job that I'm doing now isn't something that I've can make a living for the rest of my life.. But at the moment, this is my only choice, till the day my dad calls it a day for his working life ( which would not be in the near future, as he cannot afford to retire so soon ) .  by than, how old would I be?

What would my future plans be? start looking for a job when I'm 30? starting from ground again?

Not that I could have a choice , but at this very moment , I know that only by doing what I'm doing now would do best for my family....

And that's is why everyday i only think of making $ finding more ways to make $ , cause I'm not born in a financially healthy family. ( glad that these days are better with forum n fb contributing a few k income )

People talk about the foreign exchange market. I've given it a tried, and I would say it's not my type of income .....

I've said this a thousand times and again I state my stand that we live in a realistic and materialistic world....

As much as one hate to admit, money can do you wonders.. I've gotta agree that money can't buy you health but other than that . Money can possibly buy you almost everything..

and yes , when I used the word almost everything , it include Happiness and love..

Don't start bullshitting to me that love is blind and what's not...

Don't really feel like talking about it............. but think again, and answer honestly

Today , I would say among all my peers , i've think that most of them would be very envy of my life now . But like what people always say , you see me good i see you good...

And in life, there's always a price to pay... I've really paid a heavy price , to be frank , 4 years in college and i would say I've live a plain college life..

Now that I've graduated, my life seems to be a daily routine, doing the same things over and over again..

Waking up in the morning , getting to shop , back home for bath, off to cafe to upload photo at night...

In between , calling peace out for brunch or dinner .... that's it..

I've lost the feeling of being "young" .. Doing what people my age are doing .. meeting new friends, courting girls. or lets put it in a more not serious way instead of courting, may i use the word flirting .. and etc.. the only thing i have more than them is the freedom to get off day for vacation ( but who on earth would go for a vacation if you know you are on a loss making month )

Many say I'm too depended on my other half ( would use the word my other half, as what many think ) .  I admit that fact . . But let's just be fair that it isn't only because I'm too dependent but it's who else can I depend on? I would say for the last 5 years . I've got no one close that I can depend on.. My circle of life is just that small . Or can I used the word I'm just a guy that is used to be alone.. I go to the cafe alone every night to online, I don't really mind going alone actually, cause I'm just going to work and jaga my working fb, so alone isn't a big issue for me, you can see me sitting down from 9pm to 1 am .. just staring at the com....

And having someone who is always there for you during your good and bad times especially with such a bad temper guy like me, a one kind guy ( like what my mom always tell her ) don't mean the kindness kind ... What else can I asked for?

I've had enough of lecture by ppl telling me what to do and giving me advice which its obvious enough, I don't need ppl telling me that my mom is a female... But don't you yourself go through my situation?

Or maybe because your other half isn't as tolerate as mine? And therefore the blame would always be on me?

I've given up asking ppl to put themselves in my shoe, cause they wouldn't know the things running in mind.. Being the only sibling that is able to bring income for my family , since my second sister still has 2 years before graduating and this simply means not only she would not be contributing to the family economy but would also be helping in some expenses.. Now that the her uni is shifting soon. Mom would be starting to ......................................... about buying another cheap car.. and how cheap its also a commitment.. of spending another few hundreds each month...

And not forgetting about my first sister ( the one standing beside my mom )

nothing special from the pic isn't it?

but my bunch of friends would know that she is actually a " special child or we put it as a kanak -kanak istimewa .. basically her mentality would be nothing more than a 10 year old child... Now that she's 26 or 25 . but when comparing it to others of her type, I guess we are consider very lucky, as she can do household chores , and don't need any major attention for her daily routine.. just that her mentality like a child would never changed..

Have you ever see your mom looking dissapointed? when you asked her to transfer her savings to another longer term savings like insurance ? That's what I've gone through... The disappointed look in her when she told me that by saving like this , 5 years later she would be able to get herself and my elder sister a holiday in Sydney.. And even asking for my assurance, whether me asking her to transfer her small saving towards the insurance plan that i was proposing back than was a good choice...

At that very moment, I really tried hard to control my tears from falling...

At the age of almost 54, she still gotta save for 5 years before she can afford to go for a vacation at Sydney..

so how do you expect me that someone can really feel what am I going through.. It's family background that pushes me to do what am I doing today..

And to those who think that I'm making big money today , you are so wrong..

And as a matter of fact, I am only surviving on a 1k pocket money ( i would used the word pocket money ) every month that my mom gives me.. and at times, even the 1k also i won't take, if I have some extra income through personal COD and etc..

Be it making a 6k benchmark profit or a 5 figure profit , 1k is still my pocket money ( but it isn't important , as i've always make it a point to have my own COD profit ) so think again if u feel that u are envy of my life... I've got nothing except driving around in a bank owned 160k car which again I would put it in a way that when I know dad is going out, I would definitely leave the car at home, cause how good am I in selling or pulling customer online, it is still my dad that is working under the sun ( those who came to my shop know why it is working under the sun ) .  And i think no one deserve driving more than my dad cause he has been working for 40 years and the only 2 new car he drove was a 91 year accord and even than later he passed the ride to my mom and he himself settle down with a iswara..

* but even though he kinda like the Nissan Teana ( but i reli cannot accept the uncle looks of the ride ) So sorry XD it's still a Korean 

How many of you need to worry about your parents not able to make ends meet ?

It's because since young I've spent too much time at my shop and I've know the status of my family . and that's the reason why I ...................................................................................

think i should call it a day for blogging, cause its already 4.30 am...

* not to say that i could sleep now, just that i don't really wanna talk about it..

nitez

p.s call me maybe?