lost the feeling of being "young"

Its been a long time since I've last updated this dead blog of mine .

so what happened recently? Too many , and basically that's the reason why I'm blogging now at half pass 3 in the midnight


Lets start with our random hari raya trip, a last min trip made possible with people like Jeremy XD

We believe in form.. ada form holiday , don't need planning early early mcm keyboard warrior ... oopssss later orang terasa haha

jetty Pulau Pangkor, super crowded. what to expect during the raya holidays

 a must take picture, cause it's her first time stepping foot at the famous Ipoh dim sum

 super like playing watersport. kinda tiring too

at the new jetty :) for lunch

first group photo .. one of the very few ( mcm only got one actually )

other pictures would upload at fb ASAP ....

extended the planned 2days 1 nite trip with another night up at genting highland.. and luck wasn't on our side this time ( just trying to console myself ) cause all room is fully booked ... * PUBLIC HOLIDAY* and no one would be optimistic enough to drive up hoping for a room.. my fren.....

but $ solve it .. let's not talk about $ can we?

it seems it is not appropriate for me to upload this at fb, so i shall just upload it here..

a "friend" of hers joined us for the genting nite.. or should i put it this way, it was for the sake of him & her did i gave in with staying over a nite at the ever so crowded highland..

anyhow , glad that everyone enjoyed themselves.

taken at genting before we get out for our live band.. and sorry for the LOUSY blur pic, what can we expect from an IPHONE FRONT camera XD

super like this pic, even made it as my fb profile pic ( sudah tukar la now )

and there's another pic i like too, the rempit pic, but photo not with me....

final pic before leaving.. just to prove that we are at GENTING :)

would not want to talk much about the trip , afterall sudah so long.. what's important is the dark girl in the pic above enjoyed her trip..

enough about that...

lets get back to life at the moment ..

hows life been for you guys?

me? many things have happened.

really many... at times I really felt like shouting out loud, but again who will be there to listen?

it seems that there isn't anyone now that i can poured out everything in my mind...... as much as I hate to admit , even the one that used to be isn't the same today . . .

life is just getting complicated these days..

so much have changed , and it isn't the changes I've would have expected nor wanted

those were the good old days.....

Lets talk about work ... as expected this month would definitely be a quiet month, but seriously did not expect it to be as quiet as it is..

many things to think about...

and one thing that worry me most now is, if the one day really came, how would I explain? oh my oh my, guess I've should not have made it that way from day one... sighhhhhhhhhhh ( ignore this part , only myself would know what i meant )

Sometimes I've really wonder what future holds for me, in my working life or i should put career life.. knowing that the field and job that I'm doing now isn't something that I've can make a living for the rest of my life.. But at the moment, this is my only choice, till the day my dad calls it a day for his working life ( which would not be in the near future, as he cannot afford to retire so soon ) .  by than, how old would I be?

What would my future plans be? start looking for a job when I'm 30? starting from ground again?

Not that I could have a choice , but at this very moment , I know that only by doing what I'm doing now would do best for my family....

And that's is why everyday i only think of making $ finding more ways to make $ , cause I'm not born in a financially healthy family. ( glad that these days are better with forum n fb contributing a few k income )

People talk about the foreign exchange market. I've given it a tried, and I would say it's not my type of income .....

I've said this a thousand times and again I state my stand that we live in a realistic and materialistic world....

As much as one hate to admit, money can do you wonders.. I've gotta agree that money can't buy you health but other than that . Money can possibly buy you almost everything..

and yes , when I used the word almost everything , it include Happiness and love..

Don't start bullshitting to me that love is blind and what's not...

Don't really feel like talking about it............. but think again, and answer honestly

Today , I would say among all my peers , i've think that most of them would be very envy of my life now . But like what people always say , you see me good i see you good...

And in life, there's always a price to pay... I've really paid a heavy price , to be frank , 4 years in college and i would say I've live a plain college life..

Now that I've graduated, my life seems to be a daily routine, doing the same things over and over again..

Waking up in the morning , getting to shop , back home for bath, off to cafe to upload photo at night...

In between , calling peace out for brunch or dinner .... that's it..

I've lost the feeling of being "young" .. Doing what people my age are doing .. meeting new friends, courting girls. or lets put it in a more not serious way instead of courting, may i use the word flirting .. and etc.. the only thing i have more than them is the freedom to get off day for vacation ( but who on earth would go for a vacation if you know you are on a loss making month )

Many say I'm too depended on my other half ( would use the word my other half, as what many think ) .  I admit that fact . . But let's just be fair that it isn't only because I'm too dependent but it's who else can I depend on? I would say for the last 5 years . I've got no one close that I can depend on.. My circle of life is just that small . Or can I used the word I'm just a guy that is used to be alone.. I go to the cafe alone every night to online, I don't really mind going alone actually, cause I'm just going to work and jaga my working fb, so alone isn't a big issue for me, you can see me sitting down from 9pm to 1 am .. just staring at the com....

And having someone who is always there for you during your good and bad times especially with such a bad temper guy like me, a one kind guy ( like what my mom always tell her ) don't mean the kindness kind ... What else can I asked for?

I've had enough of lecture by ppl telling me what to do and giving me advice which its obvious enough, I don't need ppl telling me that my mom is a female... But don't you yourself go through my situation?

Or maybe because your other half isn't as tolerate as mine? And therefore the blame would always be on me?

I've given up asking ppl to put themselves in my shoe, cause they wouldn't know the things running in mind.. Being the only sibling that is able to bring income for my family , since my second sister still has 2 years before graduating and this simply means not only she would not be contributing to the family economy but would also be helping in some expenses.. Now that the her uni is shifting soon. Mom would be starting to ......................................... about buying another cheap car.. and how cheap its also a commitment.. of spending another few hundreds each month...

And not forgetting about my first sister ( the one standing beside my mom )

nothing special from the pic isn't it?

but my bunch of friends would know that she is actually a " special child or we put it as a kanak -kanak istimewa .. basically her mentality would be nothing more than a 10 year old child... Now that she's 26 or 25 . but when comparing it to others of her type, I guess we are consider very lucky, as she can do household chores , and don't need any major attention for her daily routine.. just that her mentality like a child would never changed..

Have you ever see your mom looking dissapointed? when you asked her to transfer her savings to another longer term savings like insurance ? That's what I've gone through... The disappointed look in her when she told me that by saving like this , 5 years later she would be able to get herself and my elder sister a holiday in Sydney.. And even asking for my assurance, whether me asking her to transfer her small saving towards the insurance plan that i was proposing back than was a good choice...

At that very moment, I really tried hard to control my tears from falling...

At the age of almost 54, she still gotta save for 5 years before she can afford to go for a vacation at Sydney..

so how do you expect me that someone can really feel what am I going through.. It's family background that pushes me to do what am I doing today..

And to those who think that I'm making big money today , you are so wrong..

And as a matter of fact, I am only surviving on a 1k pocket money ( i would used the word pocket money ) every month that my mom gives me.. and at times, even the 1k also i won't take, if I have some extra income through personal COD and etc..

Be it making a 6k benchmark profit or a 5 figure profit , 1k is still my pocket money ( but it isn't important , as i've always make it a point to have my own COD profit ) so think again if u feel that u are envy of my life... I've got nothing except driving around in a bank owned 160k car which again I would put it in a way that when I know dad is going out, I would definitely leave the car at home, cause how good am I in selling or pulling customer online, it is still my dad that is working under the sun ( those who came to my shop know why it is working under the sun ) .  And i think no one deserve driving more than my dad cause he has been working for 40 years and the only 2 new car he drove was a 91 year accord and even than later he passed the ride to my mom and he himself settle down with a iswara..

* but even though he kinda like the Nissan Teana ( but i reli cannot accept the uncle looks of the ride ) So sorry XD it's still a Korean 

How many of you need to worry about your parents not able to make ends meet ?

It's because since young I've spent too much time at my shop and I've know the status of my family . and that's the reason why I ...................................................................................

think i should call it a day for blogging, cause its already 4.30 am...

* not to say that i could sleep now, just that i don't really wanna talk about it..

nitez

p.s call me maybe?