i have a feeling

it's already 3 am in the morning, and I gotta wake up at 6 am later for a convocation. .

Yup, i know , its a Saturday , a day no one will ever call me out during the morning and noon cause they know I can leave any day but never on a Saturday

Even holiday with friends, also they left on Saturday and I drive the next day to meet them up.

But there's always an exception for everything. Not wanting to talk much about it. Cause there's nothing good to talk about, taking half day off on a Saturday , isn't something my dad would really like to listen.

Plus the fact that my on line business for this month is really at a slow pace and not forgetting it's only the 5th of October but stocks I've bought that is due to pay the end of the month is already 14k . And this whole week, it's really been a very unproductive week, with me wearing shorts to shop almost everyday , and spending only very few hours. Was busy with some other personal stuff

And today wasn't a good day for her , something bad happened. It's not the first time I've been telling her about it.

But? * pek chek * and gave her a "lecture" and I really hope the person take what I wrote seriously and this is no play matter.

One would not be so lucky twice.

Lucky one is al right now, cause I was supposed to offer her a ride, but I did not. * I don't want to talk about it*

So esok will be a super busy day, morning with 2 customers coming

and another 2 in the noon, hopefully I'm able to handle the timings

p/s when I don't ask, it doesn't mean that I don't care .

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decided to edit my post again, cause cannot sleep. sigh

semalam , received a sms from a friend of mine.

reading : where are you? free? feeling down, wanna talk to someone.

but i only replied half hour later , and asking if it's too late

she said no, and I just replied picking you up in half hour

mana tau? zzzzzz we ended up makaning steamboat and karaoke-ing till 4 am

ya, i know, i dun fancy going to karaoke, but for friend sake :)

thought apa hal emo pulak . aiks. cause this is only the second time ppl like her would really call me for help . when i meant help, i meant those type of help when a person is feeling very very very down.

The first time? oh my, really shocked to see this friend of mine in that state at the moment. .

* let's keep this to myself *

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Guess i really gotta force myself to sleep..

nitez world

I don't like the idea of you lying to your parents

nuff said

call that nvr came

Its almost half pass four in the morning..

And i gotta get up later at 8.30 , cause later will be a super busy morning at shop.

Why am i still awake?

Cause i was waiting for a call that never came.

Stupid isn't it? After all it wasn't the first time . But I really thought today would be an exception , the fact that you would be only getting back home in the wee hours. With someone drinking to fetch u back.

BUT I GOTTA MAKE MYSELF clear that , that would be last .

Cause I think if one just cant be bothered, why should I be bothered?

I didn't know, that it was such a hard thing for one to do , just to a simple request for a friend, I really wonder if telco company are charging super expensive for a call that would take 30 seconds.

Or maybe one just can't be bothered..

Sometimes I pretend that I don't care. But really, I care more than anyone else ever will

a friend of mine posted this on her fb... super like the status

The only diff is that I don't pretend that I don't care . But times and times again, it is this feeling of caring tat reli put me sleepless night.

I've tried telling myself , don't be bothered , she is old enough to think  and who are you to care, but I dunno why, at the end of the day, I still can't do it.

But I seriously think I really reach my limit, till the extend that I told you that I am really disappointed in you .

I even said I think we need to have a talk. And I really mean it.

If I don't hear you by Sunday  , than I think we really have nothing else to talk about.

Lost for words. What else do you think can i say?

I am ok with anyone else disappointing me, but I really didn't thought that you too would be the same.

I reli thought that you would be different.

And you prove me wrong .

Perhaps I did not take this 5 years of friendship to know you better. Or perhaps for you, time is just a number.

I really wonder....

limit

The fact that I told you that I hope you know what are you doing

It's just to remind you , and frankly speaking I think that is the limit I can take it .

Not trying to be over protective ( after-all who am i to be ) but I seriously think that I am starting to lose my patience

And when the replied , I thought you would be happy for me?

I can't stop but wonder, in which part? Should I be happy with

I've always wanted you to have your share of joy, not always being the person I used to know, getting grounded at your home all the while.

But frankly speaking, this isn't the changes I would be happy looking at.

And I would not know whether your parents know about your outing ( I'm guessing that......................................) , hopefully I am wrong

Regrets, we have many in life

But the only regret I really can't stop thinking about is the fact that I've thought by bringing you for a vacation , you would get a break from your hectic life.

And seriously, I really regretted . Really regretted .

I don't know if I would like to have a talk with you, but I doubt i would. I mean, would my words make any diff? I doubt

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'


p.s I'll do my cryings in the rain

heart ache

What say you?

Anyway what a week it had been , business was slightly better

But not in personal issues..

And to make things worst?

I don't use that small lane beside my shop whenever I'm driving Sonata , but that day was an exception ( personal issues ) so I've thought of dropping her off before reversing to use the main road back

Little did I notice that both sides got the dam divider



There's this two friends of mine. And both are equally good friends of mine, both are the kind of friends that I would always try to help if a favor is needed.

Recently, I've catch up with this friend of mine, it's almost 3 years since we last met.. ( susah buat appointment ) 

And we did talk about many other stuff too.. And one of the many was drawing the line .

Could not quote the phrase as the blog is now "CLOSED" but it's good to know that one like her would draw a line . Stressing out that being single doesn't mean we are ok to do things out of our limit

And you might be very right by saying the phrase that you don't feel there is a need to be proud off with many man .................................................

True enough.

Perhaps each have their own thinking? Maybe the other enjoy the feeling of being wanted?

As a friend, what should be said, I've think I've already said.

They always say, it's never easy to tame someone that just learn how to fly..

Very true, I've been through such stages in life, I am sure most of us have too..

But perhaps each one of us have their own line?

But I really wonder , how far is your line. From the way things are going , I cannot really see the chances of you drawing a line.

When I asked why was there a "supposed" word in the message , frankly speaking I wasn't looking for the answer you gave. Perhaps that is the real reason, I don't know.

But if you ask me, I'm sure there's more than that.

But getting the answer from you, I know , I should really stop asking. As I really see no point of me asking it.

I've never once thought I would think this way, but it's really heart ache to say that I'm really disappointed .

The line TTUT  , a line I heard most . And I took it seriously , I even change the ringtone of my phone to something more noisy to make sure I can hear it , putting it right beside me while i get a short nap waiting.

one time, two time , three time , and till the fourth time, my reply will just be will see how. cause I know , the line doesn't mean anything, its just mean u r busy at the moment. thats all..

stupid me isn't it?

It's not that I am putting the blame , who am I to blame, cause not everyone is as free as you think thy might be..

But at the end of the day, I still believe, it only depends on what did we set for our priorities .

Nuff said

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It's really been a while since I last had a phone conversation with friends. Everyone is busy with their own stuff and what's not.

But frankly speaking , if I did requested to have one, I really did cause I really felt like sharing out or just pouring out my problemsssssssss to someone. Especially recent weeks. But . . .. . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Whats done is done..

At the moment, it's not that I no longer need it, it's just that I've given up in asking for a short talk. I really give up. Cause there's no use in me doing so, you just won't understand the feeling ..

That deep disappointing feeling you get , knowing that you just gotta hold all your thoughts just for yourself , cause another doesn't have the time to listen to your craps. Life? Seriously , I think I really had enough.

When i used the word doesn't have " the time " , cause I know that " the time " was spent with perhaps 'super important conversation ' which is super important . Or with people they haven met for years. ( i know I'm being sarcastic here )

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The only thing that make my day this week , was a Beep Beep on my Samsung phone..

With the msg starting WOI

A simple msg , nothing special you might think, but for someone without a data phone to whatsapp that simple WOI , really made my day :)

Thanks for everything , for making me feel YOUNG , I've seriously lost count when was the last time I felt young

Don't worry, we still have 3 weeks to catch up :)

And don't worry about who's paying the bill for suppers , I know you well ( hope so? )

And never once it cross my mind about the worries u are worrying.

NEVER ONCE , if you really wanna treat me a meal, let me knw earlier, i will find somewhere EXPENSIVE for you to foot the bill :)

Time to call it a day, its already 3am , esok maybe 9.30 got customer wanna come..

Time to get myself to bed ;)


p.s don't ever feel Paiseh when I jio you out for supper, you know that I come out almost every night , so no diff :)

p.ss Perhaps the next time we meet during your big day, it's the day I really should call it a day. Maybe this way, your "fren" would feel more secure , don't have to worry if I'm chasing after you or not.

appreciate your pm today during dinner , but you know , that things are just not the same, might not be for you, but if you ask me, i would say , it will never be the same again :(

GOODNIGHT World :)

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

really feel like breaking down............

but theres..............................................................

this friend of mine :)

ps: I have no where for me to rant. Bloggie, you're my only heartiest listener. you're me, you're my story.

quoted from this gooooooooooooooooodieeeee friend of mine, a person that I used to share my troubles with , we've talked about all sorts of stuff , there are even times when she broke down while talking on our back than late nite chats...

A friend that definitely have that special place in me :) 

Just that we seldom get it touch these days ever since she started in her relationship . Reason being? Guess it's something personal...

How much things have changed.. I used to keep myself updated with her blog, and sigh , perhaps not checking out ppl's blog these days isn't really a good things.. So much have happen , and little did I know , I know how it feels going through it alone, cause I went through the same shit alone too.

When you think that the blog is our only listener...

And while reading the post, I felt a little ...................

One word "changed" changes everything. 

Two words, "I changed" settle everything off. 

How awesome man can be?

I felt being bad when I read the phrase above, I guess man would always be man?

Will definitely do lots of catching up with you soon...

Missed those good old days we had, we don't hang out often ( both hands also can count ) but it's those late night talks , and all those UGLY MMS you sent :P

And thinking back to what i used to do those days, even during our tuition days , cnt stop laughing at myself ..

Time to call it a day, its half pass 2 in the morning, gotta wake up at 9.30 later busy saturday

I AM CATCHING UP WITH U VERY SOON!!!!!!!! ada form main bowling!!!!!!