Blogging at Botanic Cafe :)

Using fren's laptob, alone :(

Anyway long story.

More and more drama unfolding. I personally feel all this happened to a person because of the past actions.. We might still be on top of the world today, but do you guys believe in Karma?

Or the old saying, What goes around comes around.

Kena con today, ended up at Boston and now Botanic Cafe

So many things to blog, but not reli in a mood to blog today.

Anyway I just hate the feeling of waiting. I just dont have the patience to wait, be it on a Fb chat, or worst an sms..
Kinda get a little pek check at times when i dont get a reply from my sms, be it from a friend, or a outsider who just sms for me to quote a price.

I mean, for outsiders, wouldnt an ok or thank you msg be something hard to reply?
@#$!%^%^!^!

For friends, ........................................................................... just not in a mood, at times, i reli wonder what people are thinking.

and just a random thought about the sms thingy, because i experience it often these days :(

This month would definitely be a month i wouldnt want to go through again.

I learned my lesson, and definitely paid a heavy price for it...

All this while, i have been trying to 'market' or potray myself as not one of the most succesful, but all this while, I did not doubt my own ability. In terms of earning a small pocket money all by myself.
But today, I guess i got to admit, I am no longer the me i thought i was :(

Or maybe is it because lately as we mix with ppl, we tend to compare ourselves too much?

All i know is that, at this very moment, i am nobody..

I felt helpless.. i honestly felt so..

And everything seems so not right , everything doesnt seems favoring in my way.

How long more would this run continue? i can only wonder... I've been trying to STAND, trying by all means to keep myself from FALLING DOWN FLAT!!! i've already FALL , so pls dont make me fall down FLAT!!!

But for how long more can i last? I have my own limit, sooner or later, my resources aka $$$$$$ would be drying up..

And i myself dunno how long more can i stand all this.. I have already lost my image , Kelvin Koh Keng Kiat , i guess this name have also been blacklisted..

All this while, i tried my best to dress up appropriately when i am out, even if it meant going to college.
A jeans with a shoe is defnitely a must.

Somehow, i just felt that, dressing up wouldnt cost us a lot, but would make a lot of difference in terms of image we left for people....

But all it takes is one day, and theres goes all your effort.

Speaking from the bottom of my heart, i honestly and sincerely thank Peace , she really help me out alot.. from the day we were together, and even till this day, I dunno where would I be today if it wouldnt because of her...

Our status might not be the same today, but she still help me out alot.. ALOT ALOT ALOT

And sometimes i really felt sorry for all that I've done.... how could such a girl deserve a guy like me, she definitely deserve someone much much much much much better..

Not a FAILURE like me.... a pic from Hatyai Thailand, been there twice with her. thxs for all the good days

Many ask me, if i were given a chance to choose again, would I still choose the road tat I've taken? leaving someone who most would feel something stupid thing to do... my answer? i would still choose this road..

I am just a Bus3rd.. call me that call me anything. and i am not into this question anymore

theres still much more things to be done

I told myself , after my Guilin trip would be the moment of truth, if i still cant perform well , i guess that basically what i will be for the rest of my life...

i cant .. i have waste too much time.... 20 this year and no achievement....

even my mom offered me 500 to buy CNY clothings, she warn me not to wear old clothes for CNY. ( which i dun mind wearing actually )

But i did bought a few d, as much as i wanted to take that 500 as much as i desperately needed it.. i still say nvm ,i ownself go buy..

few reasons..

firstly, dah lah i spend their hard earned money on my college fees, i din borrow ptptn, cause of my tidak apa attitude too,
i cannot pass my ownself to somemore take and spend on CNY clothings.

second, if i am buying shirts for cny and jeans i wouldnt mind. but the fact that other than buying such clothings, i spend on snooker, yum cha and also nowadays worst MIST sometimes

so is defnitely a no no.....
for me, its simple, if i go club, i know i am using my own money , ( other than car petrol ) at least i feel better...
no doubt we have lots of rich dad people oing there, but at least i did my part..

and buying clothes, my mom didnt even buy expensive clothing, but here i am, and i am sure most of us teenagers who spend on branded stuff....

if i dont buy those branded stuff i wouldnt mind taking it..

haiz.. fan ar............... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guess i gotta start finding a hole for me to hide my face...

i honestly need a mask..

Not being arrogant here, but most of my fren would ask me for advice or maybe i would say my words would be slightly more influencial , frens will ask me, shud i bla bla bla.. mostly related to their work, or perhaps they found some mlm company and etc....

But today, even if a person would want to ask my advice, who am i to give.... i am no longer qualified to advice a person.... when me myself is in deep shit....

those days were gone where, i feel, i am proud of myself, not earning big bucks, but at least able to earn and spend for my activities..

but now?

kla guess i better stop here



chaoz.......