21

it's 1.30 am, and that means I am 21.

Ppl always say 21 is a big day, must have party, mom told me that too

I am not the type that fancy having big celebration, I don't mind not having any party , cause we have birthday every year

But having pics like this?

Even my photo i take for my work looks better than this picture

Why? cause the camera wasn't around, and to those of you that added my working fb, it isn't because I left it at shop as i posted

Its just i left it at peace house. I saw the camera, but I assume one would get back to change , but guess I was wrong.

And I gotta get up to bath so that I can hide my tears.

Trust me when I say, it isn't easy to hide your tears from falling, am I asking too much? for a decent picture just on my birthday?

Maybe I am.

kthxbai

why must it

Was waken up by a vibration on my tab the other morning, and it was a continued msg cause someone fell asleep.

And trust me , the feeling sucks .

Cause I got questioned early in the morning . It was all about questioning.

Don't we have nothing else to talk? And why must it be that way , that the only time I would hear from you would be when you have something to COMPLAIN .

You kept on asking me the question that I think it's the only question I would not answer you , all these while, tell me a time when I did not play to your rhythm . All the while , you know, not only you , even She know that your words is the only words I've never once say no.

You kept saying how I know , if I didn't try , you went till the extent of saying as though I am putting it in a way that I am the only one that deserve a girl like you.

That word of yours, really made me lost my temper .


You know I've never complained nor say anything when you were with your ex crush , little did you know, I was wishing you too when you said , you had a crush on him . . .


And dare you say to me now, that if I were to join the game, would there be any difference? Ask yourself , don't answer just for the sake of answering.

You are right to say , and I admit that I knew if I were to be in this game of cards, I know that there is no chance for me winning.

But isn't it the same today? Did I made a wrong choice? By staying out of the game?

You said I wanted the best of both world, I would say , I never wanted the BEST of both world, cause I knew what I wanted , my actions might not prove my saying right, but honestly , I knew what I wanted at this moment, but it doesn't matter anymore . Cause judgement was made .

What's the use of arguing .

I've told you a thousand times, I've always believe, it if was meant to be, it will be .

Time would not be a factor , if in the period of time, one could fall for another , than it just prove that things are not meant to be..


你说时间不对 

this was what you said , it might be true, but think about it , did you took a time out of your busy schedule when you have that little spare time , just to make out for loss time?

Honestly, asked yourself . If you really think you did , I am really sorry for everything.

Call me stubborn ( I admit ) , call me realistic ( I admit ) , call me anything , but trust me when I say I live in a complicated world.

As busy as I am , or as pissed off as I am , if my priority is set, there would always be time for it.

I believe in wrong timing, but I also believe in time management..

You might be cursing now for me saying things like that , but you are not busy till the extent that you don't even contact any of your friends, not busy till the extent that you don't have talks on the phone . Isn't it?

Whether you admit it or not, it's just that one isn't in your priority list . nuff said.

Or maybe like you said, someone would get hurt if you took any moves

But why? Why is it that way?

All this while, ppl kept telling me this and that, and when I made things cleared. All i have is just an answer like that?

I am the type of person, that will never answer questions asked if I know that whatever answer I gave, would not make any diff , that is why I always say, let me know what would the difference be if i were to say Yes , or if I were to say No?

Perhaps you would feel better if I said yes?

Sometimes what we wish is just so contradicting isn't it?

Thank you , when you said the only thing stopping you now was me , Sorry too

But you know, it is impossible if you think that I can accept the fact not mentioning the fact that how much you've changed .

You even said that even your ex crush told you that these days , you would not find him, unless he took the step to msg you.

Why all of the sudden you felt there is no need to find him when you have no classes.

I can't brain it. Seriously

I wonder how would he think about it , especially knowing he did told you about one intention of going after you when one offered you a ride , but you told him in a convincing way, he is thinking too much..

If given a chance, I would really like to know what's running through his mind..

The fact that he was on the edge of getting something, but now ......................................

Second? * i'm Glad if it is*

why

Come , you tell me, what to do

Cause every thing I do seems wrong isn't it?

You tell me. What to do.

WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!

You ask me why I doubt , you ask me what's on my mind ?

Let me know the answer you wanted to listen , perhaps that's the only thing I do that would make you feel happy

Cause every thing I do or say , there's always something you have to say about isn't it?

So this time, seriously, tell me an answer you want me to say.

Every night I go to bed with a question in my mind , Why , and till date , I still can't figure out what went wrong

Perhaps I've changed , or perhaps I didn't know you after all

Seriously , just tell me what you want to do, so that your life would not be so miserable .

p.s I've always believe, we can't have the best of both world. So don't tell me something impossible

All the while , I hate the feeling of waiting for a reply, that's the reason why , I've always find a time when one isn't so busy so that they don't take ages to reply msg

And you are even better, cause you don't let me wait so long , cause you just . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . .

much APPRECIATED

Went for a short trip to Cameron on Sunday , would blog about it some other time .

On my way back, thought of sms-ing a friend to see where they would be, perhaps we can meet up for dinner or something , cause I was expecting Sg Buloh area to be super jam, but mana tau no jam and reached Klang alot earlier than expected.

Wasn't a wise choice after all . Cause today was the first time after knowing this friend for 6 years, first time I think till the point that both of us weren't happy with the sms-es today..

I had always kept my temper at an almost 0 point whenever it comes to this person, just that today, don't ask me why it wasn't , it's just incident after incident and plus the fact I was super tired and even after explaining the term "ur friend" , I've still got an uneasy reply

One doesn't like the term "your friend"

And I don't like the idea of using another person's phone to replying. 

I never tried ending a conversation be it through sms or phone calls before, unless I know one is busy or would have a long day the next day

But today, one because I'm driving , second is because I really don't want to continue arguing , cause I know this would lead us to no where , and I don't want to lose a friend.

That's the reason why, I did not make the initiative to call one up tonight.

It's really amazing how much things have changed these 2 months. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes to think about it, back than , when we have nothing, we still enjoy ourself and have the good old times.

Think about it , we don't have the convenient of browsing the internet 24/7 back than, not forgetting smart plans , which gives you data . And with data plan these days, ppl rarely uses the SMS service

But forget not that one even survived even without a smart plan back than.

What have changed? As we get more and more advanced , we tend to get too depended on it, very dependent indeed.

Just some random bullshit thought of mine

p.s tell me what to do

short update

the fact that you've already decided in spending all your free time with only one person, you gotta expect that your other friends would eventually start losing contact with you.

Cause we can't have the best of both world.. You've made your choice 

posted this as my facebook status, and just thought of updating a short post before going up to Cameron

yup, another random sunday trip

Think about it, the phrase above, to see if it's true.

You know it's never a risky game, cause you know the guy now is still waiting for your YES

And you know you still have the choice to choose.

You know you have the advantage in this game of cards.

There is this saying , " A person actions will tell you everything you need to know "

True enough, I know where I stand today , but I'm telling you that I wont be standing the place I'm for long, cause sooner or later, if things continue the way it is , I would just take it as i just found another new hi & bye kind off friend

There's still a long bumpy road ahead for me in life, and having to be so that not in a mood just thinking about it, makes my shoulder even heavier.

Worry not, as I wont be bothering you for a short conversation , cause yesterday would be good enough to let me know if I should .

And this noon lunch offer was just good enough to let me know that you've made a choice . 

p.s I'm disappointed with myself , but frankly, I'm even more disappointed in you . 

it's already 4pm , gotta go, if not dunno what time can only reach cameron..

I've always said, everything has a good and bad side , this post might make one people happy and another sad ( but as though it would bother ) . ya. chaoz

i have a feeling

it's already 3 am in the morning, and I gotta wake up at 6 am later for a convocation. .

Yup, i know , its a Saturday , a day no one will ever call me out during the morning and noon cause they know I can leave any day but never on a Saturday

Even holiday with friends, also they left on Saturday and I drive the next day to meet them up.

But there's always an exception for everything. Not wanting to talk much about it. Cause there's nothing good to talk about, taking half day off on a Saturday , isn't something my dad would really like to listen.

Plus the fact that my on line business for this month is really at a slow pace and not forgetting it's only the 5th of October but stocks I've bought that is due to pay the end of the month is already 14k . And this whole week, it's really been a very unproductive week, with me wearing shorts to shop almost everyday , and spending only very few hours. Was busy with some other personal stuff

And today wasn't a good day for her , something bad happened. It's not the first time I've been telling her about it.

But? * pek chek * and gave her a "lecture" and I really hope the person take what I wrote seriously and this is no play matter.

One would not be so lucky twice.

Lucky one is al right now, cause I was supposed to offer her a ride, but I did not. * I don't want to talk about it*

So esok will be a super busy day, morning with 2 customers coming

and another 2 in the noon, hopefully I'm able to handle the timings

p/s when I don't ask, it doesn't mean that I don't care .

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

decided to edit my post again, cause cannot sleep. sigh

semalam , received a sms from a friend of mine.

reading : where are you? free? feeling down, wanna talk to someone.

but i only replied half hour later , and asking if it's too late

she said no, and I just replied picking you up in half hour

mana tau? zzzzzz we ended up makaning steamboat and karaoke-ing till 4 am

ya, i know, i dun fancy going to karaoke, but for friend sake :)

thought apa hal emo pulak . aiks. cause this is only the second time ppl like her would really call me for help . when i meant help, i meant those type of help when a person is feeling very very very down.

The first time? oh my, really shocked to see this friend of mine in that state at the moment. .

* let's keep this to myself *

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Guess i really gotta force myself to sleep..

nitez world

I don't like the idea of you lying to your parents

nuff said